I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
