He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
