just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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