what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
