You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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