i think my tv is drunk
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
