This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
