How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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