Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Randomize
