I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
