Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
