she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
