Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
