Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
