Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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