Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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