Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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