and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
My nipple is on Facebook.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I skipped work to stalk him.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Randomize
