Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Randomize
