ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We left an ass print on the piano.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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