Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
