dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
