3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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