***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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