sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
