Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
