there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
