It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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