Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
