Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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