maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
