ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
