I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
