so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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