And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
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