dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
