maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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