This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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