i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
