I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
