i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
