She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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