he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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