No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
