You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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