I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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