how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
