I showed him my bush... on skype.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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