She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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