We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
