just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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