Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
