Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize