i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
