ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Randomize
