dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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