oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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