it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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