Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
