if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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