I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
