One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
