operation harelip BJ is a go
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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