soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
