so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
