Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
