You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
